Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Inviting the ex.

As I've described previously, L and I have both been married before. I had two children with my ex (gulp) husband. We have worked really hard to build a friendship for our girls. L is very involved with that building as well. We try to come together as co-parents for the girls because well, they are OUR girls. Is he the best dad ever? No. But he's come a long, long way from the dark days.

I had a sit down with him a year ago about L and I getting married. He cried. He claims it was tears of joy, I beg to differ. Two days later, he made a snide remark about child support. I was left to believe that he was okay with it but that was it.

Only two other times has the topic of my (our) wedding come up. Once through our youngest daughter when she came home from his house and said 'Dad wants to know what color he is.' Oh joy! The other time was through text and he asked if same sex marriage was legal in CA. Does that sound like to you that he's supportive and wants to attend? No. I didn't think so either and neither did L.

Last weekend, G (the dad/ex) is up here visiting because our youngest had her play performances. Sunday morning... Here's how it went down:

I'm in the bathroom, L is sorting clothes for laundry, G is lounging.
G: So am I invited to this wedding or what?
L: Um, no. Talk about awkward! My parents aren't even invited. Pfft. No. (Insert laughing because she has no idea what else to say as I walk into the room).
Me: What?
G: Yeah, I'm not invited and I'm offended.
Me: Um, okay...... We didn't invite you because we thought you would be offended and your offended because you weren't invited. That's odd.

For the rest of the day, G and I discussed. L and I discussed. G, L, and I discussed. We even talked to the girls about it and of course, my mom had to throw in her two cents. At the end of it all, we realized that we had never had that conversation. G never came to either of us and said, "I support you and I'm happy for you and I want to celebrate with you." I've never asked him though either.

We extended an invitation and here's why:
We are always talking to the girls about how we are all a big family. We have different units but we are family nonetheless. So what better way to show that than to have him there? He's involved in a lot of our lives, the girls' lives especially. It just made sense.

He accepted the invitation. This ought to be interesting.