And I can't believe I survived it. What a week, let me tell ya.
Wednesday was my first day at my new job. I was so nervous driving there that I had white knuckles from griping the steering wheel too tight. However, when I parked, a sort of calm came over me. My stomach didn't get that memo though. But that's alright. As I got out of my car and grabbed my brand new lunch bag and my brand new water bottle along with my purse that I had stuffed too full of shit that I thought I would need, I was almost giddy.
I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what I was going to be doing for the next 9 hours of my life. But I was ready for it.
I walked up to the building thinking, here I go. I'm leaving education goodbye and entering the corporate world. HOLY SHIT!
Now, you may be thinking about, sheesh, why all the talk about work? So you got a new job, so what?
Well, here's the what... I have been waiting and searching and praying and focusing so much of my intent on THIS chance, I can't even begin to explain it. This chance, this new job has finally come to fruition after about five years in the making! That's a LONG time! I don't want to screw up!
Back to first day! I walk in and let the receptionist know I'm here for my manager. Little did I know that he had to come get me because I don't yet have access to the third floor where I'll be working. I was supposed to be there at 9:30. I got there a little early but it wasn't until almost 10:00 that I see my manager. We travel to the third floor in silence.
My warm welcome to the department I'm in went something like this:
Manager to team: Team? This is Leah, she's joining the team.
Team: (barely glancing up from their computers) Hey.
Manager to team: Yeah, so Leah, this is the team. Team? She's joining the team.
Manager to me: So yeah, have a seat - oh wait, let me get you a chair. (Brings chair). So yeah, have a seat, the supervisor will be here shortly.
I go to the bathroom after 15 minutes of sitting there doing nothing. When I come back, there's another new person! Yay! Someone to train with! No. We sit there in silence. He says absolutely nothing to me, doesn't even look at me, and in fact, he looks bored out of his mind.
We train in a conference room that day and get to leave very early.
That night, my throat starts getting itchy. My chest a little tight. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am getting sick on my first week!?!? Yep.
The next morning, I realize that I've started my period. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! No.
I go into work and again wait almost 45 minutes for the supervisor to come in (she's the one training us). I don't mind really, I start reading my notes from the day before. The rest of the day is just watching people do the work we'll be doing. Which is fine but I feel like I'm too slow on the uptake. I start to lose confidence. We get to leave fairly early that day.
Friday begins with a renewed sense of doubt. Perhaps, I'm not meant to be here. Perhaps, I'm just not smart enough. You know the drill. The endless stream of negative digs that our minds can sometimes throw on us.
By lunch time, I'm ready to break. Everyone in the office is saying to not worry. I didn't get it until three months in, they say. You'll get it, don't worry, they say. My supervisor/trainer talks so fast, I'm lost half the time. I'm taking notes like I'm back in college while my co-new person is just sitting there. I finally ask him, you don't need to take notes? Turns out he has a memory like nobody's business. Greeeaaaaat. :/
Mid day, we get our first assignment. I am shitting bricks. I get stuck in a lot of places. And I'm trying REALLY HARD to not compare myself to my co-new person. I said a lot of words that were extremely inappropriate for the work environment but I wasn't really bothering to care. I made more than a few mistakes but it wasn't that bad.
As I walked to my car, I realized - thank the goddess this week was only three days long.
I've brought all my notes home and a mock file to study. I will get this down. I will succeed.
Failure is not an option.
Until next time...